Scientific Method A Bedtime Story for Generation "Y Bother"
Have you heard that If you feed an Ordinary male rat Ritalin When it is the equivilant Of 4 to 12 years old, He grows up to be A very boring rat.
While other rats might Like to wriggle up pink noses Sweep their white cylinder tails When they spy a sexy lady rat - Your medicated rat Will be a self-imposed wallflower.
He will not enjoy himself When researchers come by To dangle fresh cocaine And he would rather die Than push a wheel.
Name him Xenocrates: He will not come when called.
No art will he pursue, no Soccer will he play;
If you throw Xenocrates Into a pool of water, Bet your bottom dollar He will drown. Rather than expend the effort Needed to rescue himself Your rat would lay there Let his tiny lungs fill up with fluid And expire.
Xenocrates is terrible in Social situations. He despises small talk and Rarely enjoys darts.
If you take him out to celebrate A fun occasion He will sit there with his Tiny cans of PBR and sulk, Muttering of how he wishes he Had stayed at home, To listen to Alice in Chains And play Halo, and Why did he come because He doesn't like people anyway.
If you feel a middle childhood Rat a pack of Ritalin Wait and see; But probably he will continue Living in your basement Until he finds somebody else To do his laundry.
I didn't make this up. Dr. Carlezon in Belmont, Mass Gave Ritalin to his young rats And got the same conclusions. Besides, I'm sure you know by now To what I am alluding With this pharmacosociophilosophical rant
Which has been nothing more than a Public Service Announcement, From an Anonymous Source Who just saw your rat Driving at breakneck speed, Up the highway Towards the only liquor store Open after 9pm.
~CRH September 2012
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