Anatomy Of A Despair
I need some
Chemical equation, a
Formulaic explanation,
To describe how my heart's palpation
Has a certain implication
In the haunting desperation
Leaves me fighting for my life
Once I'm alone.
Is it a neurobiochemical pathophysiology?
Does the sharp cascade
Of epinephrine
Wash out my receptors?
When that flood of adrenaline
Lights up my brain
Does the cataclysm
Sweep bedrock from neural ditches
Uprooting every plant
That turned breath to air
In the lungs
Of the riverbed?
Does the heart muscle become weary?
Did the rapid-fire perceptions
Of affection
Exhaust that
Striated cloak of ceaseless pulsing?
Are the actin and myosin
Sick of grappling with each other
Burned out on tug-of-war
Gasping for air
Smothered in their own enzymes
Yearning for rest?
Is it endocrine system dysfunction?
Would the hypothalamus
Inundated with demands for oxytocin
Empty out the rainy day storerooms
Adopt stop-gap measures
Forget to ration
Then, panic-eyed, discover
Its supplies depleted
And, unable to fill a minor order
Flee the grainery
Fearfully imaging enraged clientele
Beating a certain path
To its unlocked door?
Does sadness somehow seep in through my skin
Infiltrate epidermis, dermis, subcutaneous
Squeeze past follicles
Worm its way into capillaries
Circulate the passages of my veins
Invading clandestine quarters
Of my body?
Did I breathe it in?
Is my respiration's alteration
Caused by adoration
Dusting my alveoli
In toxins
Spilling sentimental herbicide
On the peppered soil
Till the tender branches
Howl in agony
Cremated alive
By poisoned atmosphere?
Is it plausible,
Conceivable,
Presumable, even
That this private topsy-turvy
Has an objective reality
Could relieve my culpability
For this cyclical puerility?
It has to be true.
Because
I need some
Chemical equation, a
Formulaic explanation
Describing how my heart's palpation
Has a certain implication
In the sudden desperation
Leaves me fighting for my life
When I'm alone.
~CRH 2012
Note:
Feel free to share my work with others but please make sure to use my name if you do.
Feel free to share my work with others but please make sure to use my name if you do.